Age-Appropriate Chores for Children

Age-Appropriate Chores for Children (and Why They’re Not Doing Them)

By KJ DELL'ANTONIAhttp://graphics8.nytimes.com/images/2014/01/27/style/motherlode-chores/motherlode-chores-tmagArticle.png

This Montessori chart of “Age-Appropriate Chores for Children” is making the Facebook rounds. (The shares on my page came from the Facebook page of “Maria Montessori.”) With it, the commentary. Apparently, a lot of “other parents” have complained about this list. Those “other parents” say things like “children aren’t slaves” and “carrying firewood is dangerous!” Scroll down, and you do find those parents, noting that the label on the cleaning supplies says to “keep away from children,” and so they do, and what 10-year-old can mow the lawn? Who would trust a 12-year-old with hedge clippers?

But we, the parents in the know who share this chart and comment with the greatest enthusiasm — our children are doing these things. Of course they are. “My barely 2-y-o is doing the 6-7 things lol!” one proud writer declares. We’re not raising any entitled brats. Nope, our children contribute to the family, learn responsibility and take pride in their work.

Well, maybe yours do. Me, I hovered over that share button — and paused.

My own kids have done most of those things (I’m afraid dusting baseboards and disinfecting doorknobs haven’t been on our list). They can do the big ones for their ages (they’re 7, 8, 9 and 12): weed garden, fold clothes, make a meal, do simple home repairs. And sometimes they do.

And sometimes they don’t. Why not? Because too often, I don’t make them — and sometimes, I don’t even ask.

Before we get off on what a terrible parent I am (often true), I will say that there are certain chores that don’t get shirked. Every one of them mucks stalls in all weather; every one of them does farm and horse jobs at moments when we would all vastly prefer to be inside. (We own a horse barn that houses four of our horses, and six others.) That’s the stuff that has to be done and that I can’t do without help. But for so many indoor chores, I’m far too prone not to push. Once I’ve nagged them into clearing their plates and nagged them into feeding the dogs and cats and nagged them into picking up their socks off the floor, I tend to open the full dishwasher, shrug and realize that I would far, far rather spend the seven minutes it will take to empty it than nag anyone yet again.

The result is a scattershot approach that has not, as yet, resulted in children who do much of anything unless you ask, ask again, ask a third time, and then holler. We have a chore wheel, perused with dedication to determine who feeds which animals at which part of the day, but several of the chores on it (“clean kitchen” and “empty dishwasher” spring to mind) go undone. Even our older children feel lame about this. “You should make us do our chores,” my 9-year-old told me recently. “Or you shouldn’t give us, like, half of our allowance.” (Allowance isn’t tied to chores at our house, although we’ve gone through haphazard efforts at taking it away if things aren’t done.)

And we vowed to change, but that was two weeks ago, and to be honest, we haven’t. Of all the things I thought might be difficult about having children, I never realized it would be so much work to get them to do any work. And so, although I might get partial credit for my good intentions (I certainly believe children of these ages ought to be capable of all of these things), I don’t give myself a very good grade for effort, let alone results. No proudly sharing the Montessori chore chart for me. Maybe we should add a new category for parents of all ages:

o Makes plans to delegate chores to children.
o Follows through.